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On a Sense of Sinfulness
Modern society often tells us that we should learn to feel good about ourselves. Low self-esteem is out. We should be celebrating our goodness, talents and potential. Enough of having to feel ashamed...
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The Problems of Being Very Beautiful
It sounds paradoxical to talk of the problems of being beautiful, when we’re so alive to all the advantages that go with possessing sculpted cheekbones, copious amounts of hair, an ideal nose, long,...
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FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out
We’re continually being bombarded with suggestions about what we might do (go jet skiing, study in Colorado, visit the Maldives or see the Pyramids). We’re always hearing of the amazing things friends...
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On Self-Sabotage
It’s normal to expect that we will always – almost by nature – actively seek out our own happiness, especially in two big areas of potential satisfaction, relationships and careers. It’s therefore odd...
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The Weakness of Strength Theory
The failings of friends, colleagues and partners can be deeply galling. We got close to them because of their skills and merits – but after a while it can be the disappointing sides of their...
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The Origins of Everyday Nastiness
It happens pretty much all the time: a small jabbing comment, a joke at our expense amidst a group of old friends, a line of sarcasm, a sneering assessment, a provocative comment on the internet. These...
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On Being Hated
Learning that someone hates us deeply, even though we have done nothing ostensibly to provoke them, can be one of the most alarming situations we face. Because of technology, it is also liable to...
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The Terror of a ‘No’
There are many things we want to ask of other people. We want to ask for a job, for money, a chance to collaborate, a kiss. But we often don’t ask because of The Terror of a ‘No’. Why should a ‘no’ –...
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How Not to Become a Conspiracy Theorist
We live in conspiratorial times. Deeply sinister motives appear to be at work everywhere beneath the surface. No one, however high their reputation, is entirely beyond suspicion. Every institution,...
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The Particular Beauty of Unhappy-Looking People
We are often taught that the best way to prove attractive is to smile. The idea feels logical and for the most part highly appropriate, but it shouldn’t blind us to the occasional claims of a contrary...
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On Feeling Ugly
We unexpectedly catch sight of ourselves in a mirror and, in an instant, are thrown into despair: the odd nose, the unsatisfactory hair, the sickening skin tone, but most of all, the only too familiar,...
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The Problem of Shame
One of the great problems in the world is also one of the most invisible, because – by its nature – it asks to be hidden and saps our ability to spot its symptoms. But, to generalise grossly, few...
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6 Reasons Not to Worry What the Neighbours Think
We have reduced it down to a trite error – ’worrying about what the neighbours think’ – as if this were a trap that only a mediocrity could ever fall into. In fact, it’s what we all automatically do...
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Am I Fat? An Answer from History
We tend to feel that concepts like ‘beauty’ and ‘ugliness’ are things that can be objectively defined, are eternally valid and are founded on unarguable criteria. Someone is either beautiful or ugly –...
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I Am Not My Body
A characteristic emotion on seeing a favourite novel turned into a film is puzzlement. We may not hate the actor playing a particular role, we might even find them rather beautiful, it’s just that...
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The Fear of Death
One of the most useful things about our minds is that they can in some moods allow us to step outside of ourselves – and consider our death from a wholly dispassionate perspective, as if it were...
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On Being Able to Defend Oneself
Every day, especially in the era of social media (from the mental health perspective, probably the single worst invention of modern times), we are likely to face enemies. People who disagree with us,...
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On Despair and the Imagination
It may sound strange to locate the problem here, but some of our most despairing moods are caused by failures of the imagination. We are not merely ‘sad’; we cannot picture any better life than the...
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Trauma and Fearfulness
Some the reason why we are far more fearful, inhibited and sad than we should be is that we are – unbeknownst to ourselves – wandering through our lives with a huge burden of unresolved and unobserved...
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The Role of Love in Mental Health
The one ingredient on which any recovery from serious mental illness depends is also one which, curiously and grievously, never makes an appearance in any medical handbook or psychiatric diagnostic,...
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